after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
