woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
