haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
