"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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