i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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