Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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