Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
