but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
