I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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