So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found puke in my bra..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
