Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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