i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
