Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
