We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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