I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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