Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
