I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I died a long time ago.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
bring money and cleavage
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
