I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
