Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
