Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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