The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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