Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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