Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
