she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You're like the curious george of whores
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
