I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
