the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
