I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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