for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
