we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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