seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
