I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
