I want to have your abortion
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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