who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
