Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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