fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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