the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
