You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
