I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
