gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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