I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
