So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
