So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
