Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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