He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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