just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
