He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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