Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
