$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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