never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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