he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
