dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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