I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
