you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
