My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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